Wednesday May 1st is Tonka's surgery. His allergies have been bothering him and so his breathing has been very congested when he is sleeping. With surgery so close I took him to see one of his Doctors just to make sure we were not going to have any issues. His lungs are still clear and it all seems to be just nasal at this point and rather than put him on an antibiotic and upset his stomach we are just keeping an eye on him. I discussed his upcoming surgery with the Doctor who I like and respect very much and he was already familiar with some of the details. I have been holding up pretty well about all of this, but when we talked about the possibility of finding that it definitely is cancer and there is nothing that can be done I did have to catch myself. I have already heard that once but it was the phrase "there are worse things than dying" that hit me hard. The reality of the possibility sort of struck home at that point.
I am not going into this blind but rather with all the hope and emotional strength I can muster. Since this is starting as exploratory surgery there are several scenarios all with options that lay before us. Unfortunately there is no way to be 100% sure about any of them until they see what this mass actually is and what it has attached to. Once the surgeon knows what we are dealing with then we choose what to do. The control freak in me is not doing well with that as I like to know, plan and be prepared but I absolutely cannot prepare for the possibility that he will not come home again - I just can't. The comment "the odds are not in our favor" also stopped my heart for a few beats but if you follow this blog you know we beat odds all the time. Tonka is the master of beating odds and making his own rules about all things medical. I am trying to push all the bad thoughts aside and hoping and praying for the best possible scenario of just a strange little mass that comes out easy and he has a quick and full recovery. Tonka is my heart, he is a once in a lifetime sort of dog and I have learned so much from him and I am sure there will be a lesson for us in this little detour of our journey.
|Stopping to shake paws with his peeps.|