Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Reality, Hope, Strength and the Mayor

AP here:
Wednesday May 1st is Tonka's surgery. His allergies have been bothering him and so his breathing has been very congested when he is sleeping. With surgery so close I took him to see one of his Doctors just to make sure we were not going to have any issues. His lungs are still clear and it all seems to be just nasal at this point and rather than put him on an antibiotic and upset his stomach we are just keeping an eye on him. I discussed his upcoming surgery with the Doctor who I like and respect very much and he was already familiar with some of the details. I have been holding up pretty well about all of this, but when we talked about the possibility of finding that it definitely is cancer and there is nothing that can be done I did have to catch myself. I have already heard that once but it was the phrase "there are worse things than dying" that hit me hard. The reality of the possibility sort of struck home at that point.
I am not going into this blind but rather with all the hope and emotional strength I can muster. Since this is starting as exploratory surgery there are several scenarios all with options that lay before us. Unfortunately there is no way to be 100% sure about any of them until they see what this mass actually is and what it has attached to. Once the surgeon knows what we are dealing with then we choose what to do. The control freak in me is not doing well with that as I like to know, plan and be prepared but I absolutely cannot prepare for the possibility that he will not come home again - I just can't. The comment "the odds are not in our favor" also stopped my heart for a few beats but if you follow this blog you know we beat odds all the time. Tonka is the master of beating odds and making his own rules about all things medical. I am trying to push all the bad thoughts aside and hoping and praying for the best possible scenario of just a strange little mass that comes out easy and he has a quick and full recovery. Tonka is my heart, he is a once in a lifetime sort of dog and I have learned so much from him and I am sure there will be a lesson for us in this little detour of our journey.
We went for a roll the other morning and there were 4 or 5 crews of workers replacing gas lines to house up and down our street. There is a small group that jokingly calls Tonka the Mayor of our city as he is so well known and stops to visit everyone we encounter wherever we go. I actually had a van stop one time, people got out, swarmed around him, called him by name, petted him and then piled back in and drove off and I still have no clue who they were. So as the mayor was rolling down the street the crews were stopping and coming to pet him, take pictures and ask questions. He was so happy to have so many people to "see"and was literally prancing in his wheels. He was really thrilled to meet Mr. Jerry who got down to his level and talked to him and gave him a lots of attention. It's really what makes him happy - to get out and about in the world and see to his constituents (whether they be adults, kids or animals) - my boy the Mayor.......

Stopping to shake paws with his peeps.


Anonymous said...

ALICE .. i have no doubt that Tonka will be coming home .. honest .. i truly feel that this is going to be nothing.. i am praying for you both .. i know the anxiety is horrible.. but no doubt .. HE WILL COME HOME !

Pat & Butterecup

The ZooCrew and Peeps said...

He has all the love and prayers to beat whatever is going on. This is Tonka's Journey, it's how he rolls!
We all ❤you.

Anonymous said...

You both are in my heart and prayers. ((( hugs)))

liparifam said...

I had a scare with my twelve year old GSP Josey the other day; she had a lime-sized growth in her lower abdomen that the Vet seemed almost positive was a mammary tumor, and from the size and the quick growth, we felt certain it was malignant. Well, I was a wreck, and by the time he did the surgery to remove it, I had come to terms with the fact that I always knew the day would come when she would go, and I guessed this was it, and hopefully she would have a few more months. Well, guess what? The "tumor" was fatty tissue that had slipped through a hernia, got "strangled", and died! The Vet was astonished. Josey recovered nicely, and I expect her to be around a long time. You just never know... Keeping the good thoughts for you ad Tonka :)

Tina said...

Sending love and healing thoughts to you both.

Tina and Liam