Tuesday, June 12, 2012


AP here:
I have started and stopped a new post over the past 2 weeks more times than I can remember now. I have been finding it hard to write about Tonka since he has not been doing well.
I think I am still very lost in my own head without a diagnosis for him. I research everyday and try to brainstorm (read grasp) for a reason or a solution to his inability to walk correctly.
Is the fact that both sides have now been affected relevant? Why is this side behaving  different than the other did? Is the cause one single event or did he have 2 separate events?  The list of questions is endless - all without answers.
He has been in therapy about a month now for this side and instead of making progress he is slipping backwards.
He stays in his house most days even if someone is home with him and the crate door is open. Maybe the coolness of the canine coolers feels good on his leg.

Lazy boy

I climbed in his crate for a kiss
He still wants to go for his afternoon walk with his friends but we cannot go very far without putting him in his cart.

I am trying very hard to stay positive and keep in mind that it took 3 months for his other side to come around..

Today I got an email from a friend who always has a positive outlook on things even in the face of extreme adversity and I was reminded that our problems are very small in comparison to some.

Perspective - its a wonderful thing to have but a hard thing to keep when you are caught up in the day to day stuff.
I need to keep the following in mind:
-he is not in pain (although I think his leg feels strange to him - perhaps pins and needle -ish)
-he can still walk (just not well or far)
-he can still make it outside to go to the bathroom
-he still loves to eat
-he still loves to be fussed over
-he does not have anything life threatening or anything needing surgical intervention
-there are many out there without a home or without the ability to walk at all or that are fighting cancer

So the problem is mine not his. I am the one that feels bad for him when he drags his foot or sits down so slowly and awkwardly when his leg won't bend. I am the one that grieves for the things we cant do anymore, he just accepts whatever the day brings.
I have learned this lesson before with the other leg but obviously I did not learn it well. We have all heard that we should count our blessings every day and if you really think about and stop to do it your troubles do seem to shrink.
I have to go hug my huggable now!


Ray the Blind Dog said...

I feel so bad for you. I cannot imagine how hard this must be. Take care.

Tonka said...

Thank you Jean - give Ray a big kiss and a hug for me.