I've lost my dog.
I cant seem to find that little puppy that so impressed me with his feisty attitude and his happy - go get the world personality. The boy I watched in wonder as he worked at things over and over until he figured them out. The dog that never let his lack of sight stop him from playing just like all his doggie friends. The constant companion that I had on our daily walks. grabbing up sticks to take home as if he could see them. The thief who was forever stealing from the recycle bin. The jester that would sneak attack and nip you in the butt. The crazy man who pranced across the fields and ran with his blippity blop gait and permanent smile. The dog that thought the whole world was one big happy place with people and animal friends to meet. The blind boy that played duck, duck goose and find me, always amazing me that he was so quick to run me down or find me, no matter how still and quiet I kept. The goofy boy that ran with such abandon at the beach, digging holes and splashing in the surf and making me laugh so hard. He always made me laugh, everyday, everyday was a day full of laughter. The dog that I introduced to everything and everyone. He trusted me so completely that even if something made him nervous I just had to say"Come on, it's OK, I wont ever let anything hurt you". What a stupid foolish promise that was, but he trusted me so he believed it. The boy that even after eye surgery and heart surgery still wanted to go for his walks to see his peeps.
This past weekend that that boy seems to be slipping away.The boy that is here right now is not my "fight till you get through it" boy. This dog is giving up. He does not care for walks, he doesn't even care if his friends human or dog come by. He no longer barks for someone to come and sit with him and will not even attempt to get up unless it is for food. I don't believe he is in any pain, none of the experts seem to think so either but he has been frustrated by not being able to get his leg to work correctly. I guess if I look back over the past month or so his behavior has changed. This dog has not been excited to "see" people unless they had treats. When we have been at the park in his cart he has not been in a hurry to get out and go exploring. It has been rare to see him happy and wagging his tail and wearing his goofy grin. He just seems resigned to just laying in one spot forever. I promised him nothing would hurt him and here I am helpless to stop whatever this is from attacking him.
I still love this Tonka with all that is left of my broken heart but I do miss the Tonka that I have lost.
I would do anything to change this.
I would give anything to find my dog.
I'll See You in My Dreams
9 years ago
6 comments:
awww.. Alice.. that boy is still there .. you have shown him so much . ..he is so smart .. maybe he is trying to figure it out himself...and like i tell Buttercup .. no matter what happens we will be BFF!!!
I'm worried about you, Alice. We're here for you if you need anything at all. Liam sends hugs and kisses.
Tina and Leapy Lee
Tina,
Thanks for the concern. I am OK - really. Some days are just harder than others. He has been better this week. I'm just tired and last weekend when I wrote this was just a very bad weekend.
Thank you for checking in and give my leapy Lee a big hug and kiss for me.
Alice
I'm new to your blog - came over from Ray the Blind Dog (I was Ray's foster mom for 5 months before he was adopted by Jean). How old is Tonka? I wonder because, although my 11 1/2 yr old dog Josey is in terrific physical shape, she is definitely not the same dog she was just a year ago. A lot of personality changes just come with age, and it's so hard for me to see this dog, the strongest, smartest, most hard-headed Alpha dog I've ever known becoming fearful and mentally foggy. I think it was Bette Davis who said "old age ain't for sissies". Well, caretaking ain't for sissies, either, that's for sure. Hang in there, you are Tonka's angel...
liparifam,
Welcome to the blog. It's good to meet the foster of the awesome boy Ray. Tonkas name in rescue was actually Ray Ray and I changed it. Tonk will be 5 this December as close as we can guess. I think Tonka's problem is depression. He lives to go out and interact with everything and when he can't he gets mopey. We have a new cart now that gives hima lot more mobility and I can see a difference already. I am sorry to hear that Josey is not quite herself. My last Pyr was around 11 when she started changing and slowing down. She would get anxious and wake me up but seemingly for no reason. It turned out to be her hips were bothering her and once I started her on an anti-inflammatory she improved. Through all my trials and tribulations with Tonka I have learned that dogs can suffer from the same things that people do, Parkinsons for instance and even dementia. Your vet can tell you what medication choices are available if you decide to go down that road. I actually just took Tonka off a medication because it was doing him more harm than good so that is not always the right answer. Keep me posted about Josey she sounds like a great girl.
Thanks, Alice. I see this morning that darling Ray is having eye issues - we all have our worries :( I have no doubt that Tonka is depressed - I know I would be! Poor baby, I'm glad the new cart is helping. I'll be reading to see how it goes...
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